I have a song stuck in my head that I can't remember the name of, so let's title this, that. :)

Heya, it's been a couple weeks. I've been busy, and for about a week I was really sick, (Ooh, it's 11:11!!) (...wow...) and even though that would've been a time with much oppurtunity to write, I did not. I apologize. Well, it's the merry month o may, and school is wrapping up. Which I am happy about, but also very sad. :( Blakely, Hannah, Robert, Alex, Faith, etc are all graduating, and it'll be very tough without the first three in PTC anymore. Luckily, I have two summer shows working with Robert and Alex. Still, I've now realized I never did a scene with Blakely, that depresses me beyond anything. But, oh well, that's how life goes...

You know, I believe that blogs should be uplifting and inspirational, and so far, all this blog is doing is make me feel stressed and sad. That's just a GREAT combination, is it not? My mood overall isn't too bad, just calm and sorta tired. My subconcious must be upset. haha.

Today was Jared's 10th b-day, my my MY how time flies! I still remember he was born, I was at school. Someone called over the intercom for me to go to the front office. So, my little kindergarden self hightailed it to the office where they had my dad on the phone. I was SO excited, bc I didn't know whether the baby was a boy or girl. I wanted a boy, and that's what he was! That was in 1999, and this is 2009. I feel really old. Being born in the 90's is almost as bad as being born in the 80's, muahahaha! ;) Ah well, we all have to be born at some point, right?

I'm not sure exactly why I'm writing, maybe it's bc I felt super guilty bc of how long it's been since I've posted. Or maybe it's just bc I'm bored but sleepy. Ha! I just realized something... I never abbreviate or use 'slangs' in my writing or corespondance, except for "bc". "because". I don't know why, but that's always been a word that I hate spelling. I just don't like it. So, I always say bc instead. It's also a lot faster than typing out a 7 letter word. That's my random weird thing of the day, and trust me, I do and think odd things. That's not always a bad thing, right?

Today I suppose was a nice day. Heather and I took Jared and Kimberlee to the park and got snow cones. Delish! I always am so sad when they close Lana's for the fall and winter. We had the missionaries and grandma over to eat dinner with, and Jared gor a Star Wars Wii game, which he did NOT want to stop playing so he could sleep. 2 and a half hours straight of video gaming will do that to ya. But, he likes his bday present, so we're all happy. I wrapped that dang dvd case too, TWICE. The first time I wrapped it, it wouldn't cover the "spine" of the case completely, so I wrapped more paper on top of that. It was Christmas paper too, bc we Scotts are oh-so-classy. ;)

One last thing before I skidaddle. We watched Pride and Prejudice last night! After all the Mother's Day hulabaloo festivities. *sigh* I love that movie. I still have very fond memories of the first time I saw that movie, but that's a story for another time. I love love love to type, but I can't type when the words no longer make sense. (Meaning typing while I'm asleep haha) I'd better go...I'm crashing...slowly... Speaking of which, mom had Elder Simakov and Elder Butler listen to our version, AHHHH! Anyway...I'll see ya later. I say this sincerly, hopefully I'll be able to blog again soon. PTC Showcase Thursday, resume due tomorrow, EEK! Company 1 showcase tomorrow. Very busy, and very nervous, for the PTC Showcase anyway. Ciao~! Pleasant dreams.

Jess

"Surely, you must know, it was all for you." - Mr. Darcy ~ Pride and Prejudice

Overwhelming

Oh, dear. I feel significantly overwhelmed. Yes, thats right. I just realized the school is almost over, yet again... and a lot of things will be changing. Changes are good yes, but the changes coming soon are not the type I want to happen. I have friends graduating high school, and leaving for college, I have a friend leaving for two years, etc. It's going to be tough. I have a feeling its going to be a great summer, and I want to make the best out of it. I'm just... like I said, overwhelmed by the realization by it. I've also realized that I myself, will be graduating in two years. It's crazy. I was driving yesterday, and thought to myself, "I'm too young to drive!" In reality, I'm not... but I remember being 9 years old as if it were yesterday. It's insanity I tell you, insanity!!

Mhm.

Yeah I need to write... here's something for now.

A Little Bit of Thinking.

It is tough, I've realized for me to be consistent with this blog. I feel like I should only write when I am in the mood to do so...which happens to be less often than I figured it would be. I always seem to have something else to do. The thing is, I really do think it's important to write down what you feel and whatnot. Years down the road, I'm sure I'll want to read back on how I thought about things, and where I was at this point in my life. How will I know if I've progressed any if I haven't kept track? Will I just...know? Ha, it does sound strange yes, but still the question is there. This past month or so...really this whole last school year has been a big struggle. A lot has happened to me, my family, my friends. Many things have changed, things have begun, friendships have ended and started or even put on hold. I was thinking, as one might think in the late December of a year, 'What have I accomplished since August? What have I done that has helped me move forward?" At first, it feels like I've done nothing. Nothing worth recalling. But then I think harder...over all the experiences I've had. Many of them, definitely. My feelings for certain people have changed, in different ways than you would think, and my first judgements of people have been changed as well. I have grown. Not in just a literal sense, but it my spirit and mind especially. Every step I've taken has brought me closer to the woman I am becoming, the one that will continue in this crazy world we live in. Sure, I've had the occasional setback. But it has made me become stronger. I have gained respect for several people, as well I myself. It's hard to imagine, but I believe I have gained more confidence in myself than I ever thought possible. Sure, it's not much confidence at all at the moment, but the fact that it's there...and able to grow. That is great.

I? I am not an angry person. I don't hold grudges. I do believe that time is one of the best things to remedy a situation. Not make it perfect, but... When you're in a fight in first grade, lets say. Weren't you told to take deep breaths, wait 10 seconds, and think before you begun again? Wasn't it, by the end of those 10 seconds, your desire to bicker and yell was not as strong anymore? Now of course, being a 16 year old, my problems and arguments are bigger than cutting in line to go down the curly slide. But... time does heal. It really does, I promise. It gives you time to look back at what's happened, and what you can do to not necessarily fix the problem, or situation, but to make the best desicions, and make the best out of it. I wont deny that I have made mistakes, been wrong about things at times, everybody makes mistakes. Everyone needs to be forgiven too. 70 x 7, you know that! Just remember. Everything that happens in life is a lesson to be learned, with a consequence to follow. We were sent here to be taught, and to learn. What good is this life, if we don't learn anything?

So... "And every tear that had to fall from my eyes, Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night, Every change, life has thrown me, I'm thankful, for every break in my heart, I'm grateful, for every scar, Some pages turned ,Some bridges burned, But there were lessons learned." (Lessons Learned ~Carrie Underwood.)

New Post Coming Soon!

Hey... It's been busy. I will post very soon. Ciao!

Jess

Everything's Just Fine

I realize that I need to be more consistent and diligent with this blog. I've had in since October, and have put what, 5 entries? Maybe more. I'm not quite sure. I always feel inspired to write listening to certain types of music. Right now, I'm listening to Elijah Bossenbroek, the brilliant pianst, go figure! His music is always so... almost other-wordly to me. It's just...very calming, and almost gives you this feeling that you can do anything, be anybody. I absolutely love it. I hope to achieve the ability to compose music at some point in my life. I know it's going to have to take a lot of studying. I was watching some old YouTube videos of The 5 Browns yesterday, and was just amazed by the work they must have all put in into their study of music. All of them in Juliard, it's crazy.

Okay, so yesterday we were having a lesson in Young Women about "Homemaking". Preparing to be a wife and mother. I really thought about it for the first time in awhile, of the huge...responsibility that is. How sad it is that society takes it so lightly. Then we were discussing how we need to be family oriented, not career oriented. I'm just a little worried about my mindset. I want so much to go out there, and perform, and record music, and etc. How am I supposed to do that and be married with children at some point in my life? It just seems...so overwhelming. Which I suppose it should be for a 16 year old. To think, that girls my age and younger have kids. Not necessarily on purpose, but indeed they do. How can you trust yourself with such a responsibility? I realize how incredible my mother is, along with any woman who has children. That they are willing to give their wholeselves and life to raising a spirit child of Heavenly Father. It's extremely hard for me to fathom. I'm guessing there is a point in time to where it just "clicks". That you know you are ready. I just... am trying to understand where I'm supposed to draw the line. I want to be on stage, and I'm hoping I can do that for awhile. Unless I am meant to raise a family earlier on. I don't know...I just think alot about the future, which is definitely better than never thinking past Friday night! *sigh* I just need to continue pressing forward, and focus on education. Focus on being the best me that I can be, and live the standards, so one day I will be worthy to meet a man who I am to marry. That will happen... just not yet, haha.

For now, I know I need to breathe, and continue on.

"Live live to the fullest and always believe in yourself, no matter what the world may throw full-force at you. You are strong enough to conquer all."

"I feel so much better than before"

I seem to have this problem since yesterday, that I contantly have songs from Musicals stuck in my head. Currently, I have "So Much Better" from Legally Blonde the Musical in my head. Yesterday it was "Some Things Are Meant To Be" from Little Women. It's crazy... I don't know what to do. Haha.... I'm not quite sure what my point is by writing this blog. At the moment I am sitting in the living room with my family, watching X-Men 2. Hugh Jackman... :)

He just makes me happy :) Ahh! I found the most amazing clip from A Light In the Piazza on YouTube. It's during the song Passeggiata. Wow. I don't know much about the musical yet, but I'm thinking I'm going to listen to more of it, I like it. I've heard about it before, but my interest was sparked yesterday, at PTC. We had Movement Exercizes yesterday during class. We were asked to come up with 90 seconds of instrumental music, and "move" to it. I don't think I did horribly. I chose "Harmony In Dissaray" by Elijah Bossenbroek. Anyway, Hannah used a piece from that show, and I looked at the pictures, and then went home and looked it up. I like it so far. I'm always trying to become more "cultured" in the Musical Theatre section of my life. So, I look up stuff all the time. YouTube is my best friend at times.

Yes I am being random, but those are just my thoughts at the moment. Sometimes I just have the urge to type, without really having much to say. Oh! I picked out my Stake Prom dress today, I love it. It'll be here in a couple weeks. I hope everything fits alright.

Well! See ya later!