"I feel so much better than before"

I seem to have this problem since yesterday, that I contantly have songs from Musicals stuck in my head. Currently, I have "So Much Better" from Legally Blonde the Musical in my head. Yesterday it was "Some Things Are Meant To Be" from Little Women. It's crazy... I don't know what to do. Haha.... I'm not quite sure what my point is by writing this blog. At the moment I am sitting in the living room with my family, watching X-Men 2. Hugh Jackman... :)

He just makes me happy :) Ahh! I found the most amazing clip from A Light In the Piazza on YouTube. It's during the song Passeggiata. Wow. I don't know much about the musical yet, but I'm thinking I'm going to listen to more of it, I like it. I've heard about it before, but my interest was sparked yesterday, at PTC. We had Movement Exercizes yesterday during class. We were asked to come up with 90 seconds of instrumental music, and "move" to it. I don't think I did horribly. I chose "Harmony In Dissaray" by Elijah Bossenbroek. Anyway, Hannah used a piece from that show, and I looked at the pictures, and then went home and looked it up. I like it so far. I'm always trying to become more "cultured" in the Musical Theatre section of my life. So, I look up stuff all the time. YouTube is my best friend at times.

Yes I am being random, but those are just my thoughts at the moment. Sometimes I just have the urge to type, without really having much to say. Oh! I picked out my Stake Prom dress today, I love it. It'll be here in a couple weeks. I hope everything fits alright.

Well! See ya later!

Tricycles and Apple Pie.

I decided to write on here. I haven't been on here in awhile, I've realized. I've been beyond busy, and haven't been able to get my words out on paper, screen, whatever.

I want to say this last week and a half has been GREAT. I love that a really good friend of mine is able to be out here. I've realized we both need it. She and I have not known each other for long, I met her at efy this past summer. I remember going to efy this past summer, and being excited for going. I had loved the previous year, and was ready for another spiritual week. :) My friend helped me haul my stuff up into the apartment wayy off campus. It was lovely of him, but I kicked him out of the apartment really quickly bc of that little "no boys allowed" rule of efy!


Anyway....lets back up aways. A few weeks beforehand, we had a friend that we were worried about. She had to be in the hospital and we were worried about her being able to make it to efy. So, I went, not knowing if she would be there. It so happened as I went to the apartment a little later, she and her friend were looking for me. I was so excited to see her, that she was able to make it, I really was! I gave her a hug, and then I look at this new girl. I had heard about her before, and knew beforehand that I thought we could be really good friends. When I really looked at her, I had a strange feeling. It felt as if I had been missing a piece of myself, and I didn't realize it was missing, and she had it. And the moment I saw her, I knew...I was supposed to know her. It was exciting! I said "So this is *!" (not using names) I was so happy in that moment. I remember a night at efy, we were in her room, listening to her i-pod and talking about random things, I was just...amazed that we had only known each other for around 3 days. That was it! Even now, I haven't even known her a year, and I feel like its been a lifetime. I am completely blessed to have her in my life, whether or not she realizes it, which I doubt she does.


I am glad she's been able to come out the past week or so, to just be here. We haven't done anything "amazing" we really haven't left Clarksville really... We did go to my Grandpa Pentzer's actually, and had a ton of fun watching filming for a music video! ...we're just together, and having a great 'drama free' time together. We had a scary movie-marathon last week, which has made the two of us petrified of tricycles. (It's hard to explain...it basically comes down to, we are d-o-r-k-s. :D) Its been great. I've learned a little more independance, I've realized that I'm growing up. I'm moving on. I will graduate high school in a couple years, I need to learn who I am. She's helped me realize that, and I love her for that. I know that we'll be friends forever. I TRULY 100% believe that. I hope this visit has helped you too.


"Mortality's supreme test is to face the "why" and then let it go, trusting humbly in the Lord's promise that "all things must come to pass in their time.""
Lance B. Wickman - Oct. Gen. Conf. 2002


"Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity."
Neal A. Maxwell -

"Stand firm to what you know to be true and regardless of the immediate consequences, in time you will, without question, have no doubt God is on your side."

"Great moments often catch us unaware -- beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one."

2009 A Year of Pressing Forward

I have been going through several things lately, and have discovered a lot of things as well. Towards the end of the year 2008, jumping right into this year, 2009... I decided to not make any resolutions. They never seem to last very long. I wanted to set some sorts of goals, so I feel like Im headed towards something, you know.

I was reading the New Era today, and also heard this in Sunday school a couple weeks ago. Its the Invitation to the Young Women, from the General Young Womens Presidency. They ask us to do three things: "#1: Pray every day. #2: Read the Book of Mormon for at least 5 minutes daily and #3:Smile every day" I thought, thats an easy and important one to start out with. So, I am inviting myself to take initiative and start making my life more what I want it to be, and be comfortable with myself.

I really believe true happiness lies within many different things in life. In service to others, in learning, in growing, in becoming the YOU that you want to be. Of course, I will never be truly perfect. I now that, but I know that I can always become better, and continue growing and loving and giving and being blessed. I am tremendously blessed. With friends, family, my Savior and Heavenly Father...I have so much that people would die for. I'm not bragging, Im the embracing the truth.

I am a daughter of Heavenly Father, who loves me and I love him. I will stand as a witness.

It is my divine oppurtunity to serve in Christ's name while here on earth, my duty to spread my beliefs and the truth to those around me. I dont know how I am going to be able to reach those I am meant to reach, but I know that I can. The Lord has blessed me with faith, love, forgiveness, support, and countless other things.

I am extremely sad that I will not be able to attend efy this summer. I am simply grateful I will have the chance again next summer. I pray that I can still go through this year as well as I have the past two years..I think I will. I have friends I will deeply miss as they take off on that incredible 24 month journey to serving the Lord in all they do. I hope to follow in some way.

Thank you, you know who you are. I love you all.

Because of you, I have faith in all things.

Jess

Wow. Life has been really busy lately. Since sunday, I've been moving. Moving from one house to the other. I haven't slept in my house since Saturday night. I probably wont for a long time, if ever. My bed was brought over last night, so that helped. I had been sleeping in the den, but I didn't like it in there. We moved a bunch of stuff around on monday and tuesday. Tuesday evening, I started hacking and coughing and sneezing... I woke up yesterday morning with a cold. So... I had to call people for volunteering, Act 1, UTP, Seminary, and Young Womens that I couldn't make it. I'm somewhat better but still....

I'm still here!

Hey I havent been on here in awhile. I need to write... I will soon. Happy Holidays.

Things that I think about. Alot.

Ive been thinking a lot. Its just one of those things... that everyone does, but I have been thinking about more than "whats for dinner?" or "what shoes should I wear?"

Life is absolutely complicated. Not a single person is the same as another. If we were all identical, #1: Satan would be happy, #2: There would be no point in life, really. So, life is tough, it really is. But its an interesting thing. I seem to think more about life than actually doing something about living the right way, but hey, I am human. That will change though. Not the being human part, haha.

The Presidential election has really started to open my eyes. Im going to admit, straight up. I'm pretty dumb when it comes to Politics. I know enough to know what I believe in, but I don't feel that I know enough to debate about. Now, a lot of my friends are very...heated about what they believe in. Including my mother. Which is fine, but hey thats really all ive been used to in my life, and I feel like i have a lot of catching up to do in that area. My mom is pretty awesome, when it comes to her opinions. She is not very quiet about them. However, before you judge her, I wouldn't call her opinionated. She doesnt give her opinion unless its needed, or wanted. She isn't one of those people that chases someone down the street yelling, "THIS is the truth, THIS is what to believe in!" She cares about others feelings. And so do I. I'm not aspiring to be exactly like that, but I really want to learn to state my opinion without being worried about people hating me for my opinion. I know somewhere in my mind, that this is not the 1800s. Im not a pioneer crossing the plains, and I wont really be persecuted, in that way at least.

Obama and McCain. I don't really know much about either. But I know that Obama really does scare me, and Ive been afraid to say that until now. But he does. I was at a friends house on Friday, and I watched a video, a song parody about Obama... really scared me. Communism.... scary word, it really is. I believe that that is what will eventually happen to a certain extent if he is elected. The words like "universal", and "nationwide health coverage" and "economy"....

Ive been avoiding the election like plague. I really need to take the stand, say what I believe in.

I'm Conservative. I believe how the country used to be run, how it is supposed to be run. I don't like how muddled the different parties have become. Democrat and Republican are not so different from each other as they used to be. That is really all I feel I can say until I am educated enough to formulate an opinion.

L'Ultima Notte

Ok, it's not really "L'Ultima Notte*"... that was a song by Josh Groban I was singing earlier, and I didn't have a good enough title for my first "official" blog... so thats what I used.

It's 12:37 am. I should really be in bed. But I've had so much music going through my head. Songs that were performed tonight in PTC, and songs that I haven't heard in a really long time. Ha, you might think its ok to fall asleep with music playing inside your head. But for me, it's different than it might be for you. When I hear music going through my head, I first identify who's singing, (or who is playing if its without lyrics) what style of music, and what instruments are in the rythymn and flow of it all. Mom told me that when i was really young, I would cry during movies when the music happened to be really intense, or sad. Or laugh and smile when the music was bubbly and cheerful. When I was a baby, I mean! It really fascinates me that a baby, can have the ability to hear emotion. Its beautiful...

I think about really random things a lot.

So... when something is going through my head when I'm trying to sleep, I can also feel myself desperately wanting to walk over to the piano and figure the melody out, so I can hear it aloud. Mind you, it takes me a little while to actually be in the right key and everything, but it makes me happy when I walk over casually to the piano at the church sometimes, and play something and I hear someone say "Hey, thats Pride and Prejudice!" or "Hey, thats Robin Hood!"
I feel a small accomplishment.

I really want to learn to play the piano better. I guess it really takes a lot of work. I loved when Sis. Bunker taught me, and hour once a week for a few months again, I improved so much (or so I was told) in the few short months she was here. It's not like Im aspiring to be a concert pianst, or anything. But I really, want... to write music. I think i have this mind block that I'm not educated enough in music to write something. I also have amazing friends who can compose like it's nothing. Really, they are incredible.

I'm going to have to be more dedicated to it, I really feel that if I become dedicated to music, I can become more dedicated to a lot of other important things in my life. Life is really crazy right now, with so many transitions and mom and dad being gone so much. Mom helping Great Grandpa, Dad being the Bishop. I miss them both a lot. And I'm not getting any younger, I'm in 10th grade, I have some work to do before I graduate, you bet! Education is the most important thing I believe, for me right now. I think if I focus on that than I will feel better about myself. I pray that I will be able to do all that I can now, to be the person I am supposed to be in the future.

*"L'Ultima Notte" means "The Last Night" in Italian, if you were wondering. :)