Overwhelming

Oh, dear. I feel significantly overwhelmed. Yes, thats right. I just realized the school is almost over, yet again... and a lot of things will be changing. Changes are good yes, but the changes coming soon are not the type I want to happen. I have friends graduating high school, and leaving for college, I have a friend leaving for two years, etc. It's going to be tough. I have a feeling its going to be a great summer, and I want to make the best out of it. I'm just... like I said, overwhelmed by the realization by it. I've also realized that I myself, will be graduating in two years. It's crazy. I was driving yesterday, and thought to myself, "I'm too young to drive!" In reality, I'm not... but I remember being 9 years old as if it were yesterday. It's insanity I tell you, insanity!!

Mhm.

Yeah I need to write... here's something for now.

A Little Bit of Thinking.

It is tough, I've realized for me to be consistent with this blog. I feel like I should only write when I am in the mood to do so...which happens to be less often than I figured it would be. I always seem to have something else to do. The thing is, I really do think it's important to write down what you feel and whatnot. Years down the road, I'm sure I'll want to read back on how I thought about things, and where I was at this point in my life. How will I know if I've progressed any if I haven't kept track? Will I just...know? Ha, it does sound strange yes, but still the question is there. This past month or so...really this whole last school year has been a big struggle. A lot has happened to me, my family, my friends. Many things have changed, things have begun, friendships have ended and started or even put on hold. I was thinking, as one might think in the late December of a year, 'What have I accomplished since August? What have I done that has helped me move forward?" At first, it feels like I've done nothing. Nothing worth recalling. But then I think harder...over all the experiences I've had. Many of them, definitely. My feelings for certain people have changed, in different ways than you would think, and my first judgements of people have been changed as well. I have grown. Not in just a literal sense, but it my spirit and mind especially. Every step I've taken has brought me closer to the woman I am becoming, the one that will continue in this crazy world we live in. Sure, I've had the occasional setback. But it has made me become stronger. I have gained respect for several people, as well I myself. It's hard to imagine, but I believe I have gained more confidence in myself than I ever thought possible. Sure, it's not much confidence at all at the moment, but the fact that it's there...and able to grow. That is great.

I? I am not an angry person. I don't hold grudges. I do believe that time is one of the best things to remedy a situation. Not make it perfect, but... When you're in a fight in first grade, lets say. Weren't you told to take deep breaths, wait 10 seconds, and think before you begun again? Wasn't it, by the end of those 10 seconds, your desire to bicker and yell was not as strong anymore? Now of course, being a 16 year old, my problems and arguments are bigger than cutting in line to go down the curly slide. But... time does heal. It really does, I promise. It gives you time to look back at what's happened, and what you can do to not necessarily fix the problem, or situation, but to make the best desicions, and make the best out of it. I wont deny that I have made mistakes, been wrong about things at times, everybody makes mistakes. Everyone needs to be forgiven too. 70 x 7, you know that! Just remember. Everything that happens in life is a lesson to be learned, with a consequence to follow. We were sent here to be taught, and to learn. What good is this life, if we don't learn anything?

So... "And every tear that had to fall from my eyes, Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night, Every change, life has thrown me, I'm thankful, for every break in my heart, I'm grateful, for every scar, Some pages turned ,Some bridges burned, But there were lessons learned." (Lessons Learned ~Carrie Underwood.)